Here are four of the biggest lies about saving a marriage.
I’ve had two failed marriages, and now, more than a decade into my third, I’m finally getting it right. See if you believe any of the following about marriage.
Lie #1: You Need to Learn More Communication Skills
No, you don’t. Learning new communication skills will not help you.
If your marriage is truly troubled, then learning how to communicate better will only give you and your spouse the tools to fight better. In many cases, better communication skills only create more damage and actually accelerate the deterioration of the relationship.
Lie #2: There’s Only One Path From the Brink of Divorce to Marital Bliss
A lot of couples’ programs and couples’ therapy assume there’s only one path back to a solution. It’s not true. There are multiple paths, and learning a range of approaches is really the best option.
Lie #3: You Can’t Start Saving Your Marriage if Your Spouse Isn’t Interested
Turns out that’s not true either.
When a marriage is in full-blown crisis, it sometimes takes a while for the other spouse to respond. That’s alright. It doesn’t mean they won’t respond.
If your marriage is in crisis, it means you two are disagreeing on a lot of stuff. You can’t expect complete buy-in on the idea of saving your marriage if your partner isn’t quite there yet. In the real world, when a marriage is in true crisis, it’s usually one partner who wants to solve it and one partner who might be dragging their feet.
Lie #4: Time Heals All Wounds
Not true. Not remotely true. Making this one probably the most damaging of the four.
In my personal experience, and also watching my friends and family try to navigate the conflicts of their marriages, I notice one key strategy: people just procrastinate and hope things work out if they don’t look at it long enough. This rarely, if ever, happens.
And you know that. Because if you didn’t know that, you wouldn’t be at this point in the video already.
You Have to Take Action
You’ve got to take action to save a marriage in crisis. Because if you sweep it under the rug and pretend the marriage will get better if you just ignore it, then all the negative momentum of a marriage that’s already in crisis is going to keep getting worse and festering underneath the rug. You may get to a point of no return in your marriage.
I know that one the hard way.
You two fell in love for a reason at some point back there. And if you’re committed to saving your marriage, you’ve got to do something about it.
According to research from the Gottman Institute, having a stable marriage foundation is one of the strongest predictors of long-term individual health and well-being.
Vibrant beings, up spiral your life.
